My Wake Up Call at Midnight

After a disturbing dream, (nightmare) last night, I forced myself to wake up. I couldn't take the series of events unfolding anymore.  In reaction, I first emailed the details of the nightmare to Richard so that I would have a record of it and we could discuss it when he woke up. I then, prayed and talked to God first. Next, I searched the internet to clear my mind for a moment. Finally, I got intentional about what really just happened in my dream. I don't have nightmares often, so I felt it necessary to give it more close attention.

I began researching nightmares. Where they come from? How they originate and what we can learn from them. I found some interesting literature offering a number of reasons.  The most reoccurring theme was that a nightmare could be a result of an inner conflict that  needs to be resolved or a warning of something to come or to be warded off.

Close to 30 minutes into my search (at what was now 4:30am), I decided to continue my heavenly conversation. I asked God what was I to gather from this nightmare. I believe in seeking wisdom in reliable places, but I also know I can most times just cut out the middleman and as the creator. He's faithful to answer my questions, even if it's an answer I don't like.

The conclusion was that I need to be more present. I mulled over that for a while. Present. In what way? The answer revealed included marriage, home, priorities, basically my every day life. It sounds so simple, yet so complex. Those who know me, know when I'm on, I'm on. I used to take pride in giving the phrase, "mover and shaker," a whole new meaning. However, I'm starting to "get it." Get what was just revealed to me. I can move faster than the speed of light, and consequently miss things a long the way, important things. Even worse, things going on right under my nose.

But hey...it's New York! It's the nature of this beast right???
Who cares!?!?! I've been "doing" New York and doing it well for a while now. I feel like: What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36) I have had to reshuffle my priorities more than a few times in life and it looks like I need to do it again...

Present.

Not talking about one thing, yet thinking about the next. Not thinking about one thing, yet participating in the next. Not listening to one thing, yet concerned about the next.

Not taking for granted that everything will just work it self out, take care of itself or someone else will step in and pick up where I left off.

Cherishing my moments while staying in the moment. Taking time, to just take time, knowing that this very moment is really all that matters, since the next isn't promised.

As much as I hated that nightmare, I don't ever want the memory of the revelation to disappear.  It could potentially help save my marriage one day if needed, save my job, but most importantly...save me.

Be present Kristen.

(Sometimes I talk to myself and I figured since this is my blog, no better place to talk to myself than here, but thanks for reading too).

Love,
Me, today.